Today was another entry in the Big Book of Grievances that Mr. Jenners has against me. In my attempt to "help out," I often end up causing him more problems and work. For example, in entry #1,248, I "helped" him paint the bathroom but got paint in my eye about 4.2 minutes into the painting job. In entry #2,611, I "helped" put the car in the garage but ended up ripping off the mirror. And in Reasons #1,214-#1,247, I repeatedly destroyed landscape lights.
Needless to say, Mr. Jenners doesn't really like me helping him. But I am certified and approved to mow the grass. However, that certification may be taken away after today's adventure, which involved a new mishap in my ever expanding ways of messing things up around the house. In an attempt to soothe his irritation at me, I thought I would put today's mishap in a humorous poetry form using "There Was An Old Lady Who Swallowed A Fly" as my inspiration.
There Was A Dumb Wife Who Mowed The Grass
There was a dumb wife who mowed the grass
I don't know why she mowed the grass
Perhaps to shrink her very fat assThere was a dumb wife who mowed the grass
Because the time to mow it was past
She ran over a cord while cutting the grass
I don't know why she mowed the grass
Perhaps to shrink her very fat assThere was a dumb wife who ruined the lights
What lights? The Halloween lights
She ruined the lights when she ran over the cord
She ran over the cord while mowing the grass
I don't know why she mowed the grass
Perhaps to shrink her very fat assThere was an dumb wife who attempted to edge
But alas! The edger was dead
Perhaps it had to do with the fact that
She ruined the lights when she ran over the cord
She ran over the cord while mowing the grass
I don't know why she mowed the grass
Perhaps to shrink her very fat assThere was a dumb wife who flipped the breakers
What an idea! To flip the breakers
She flipped the breakers to start the edger
The edger wouldn't start because she had ruined the lights
She ruined the lights when she ran over the cord
She ran over the cord while mowing the grass
I don't know why she mowed the grass
Perhaps to shrink her very fat assThere was a dumb wife who called the husband
Finally she thought to call the husband!
She called the husband because she had
Flipped the breakers to start the edger
But the edger wouldn't start because she had ruined the lights
She ruined the lights when she ran over the cord
She ran over the cord while mowing the grass
I don't know why she mowed the grass
Perhaps to shrink her very fat ass
There was a dumb wife who ruined the recording
The husband's recording! (Of the Howard Stern Show)
Because she had flipped the breakers to start the edger
But the edger wouldn't start because she had ruined the lights
She ruined the lights when she ran over the cord
She ran over the cord while mowing the grass
I don't know why she mowed the grass
Perhaps to shrink her very fat ass
There was a dumb wife who says she is sorry
For ruining the Stern Show
After trying to edge
But the edger was dead
Because she ruined the lights
After she ran over the cord
While mowing the grass
I don't know why she mowed the grass
Perhaps to shrink her very fat ass
Sorry Mr. Jenners! I should have called you before attempting to fix the problem myself. Next time (and you know there will one), I'll call you sooner rather than later.
Posts
